Article
Today, the newspaper Line of Duty is happy to show you a list of "Funny Quotes" for your own pleasure. The article is divided in 3 parts : The first part are Quotes without an Author, the second part are Quotes with an Author and the third part are special Quotes about how to scarce a Roommate.
Enjoy !
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Part 1: Quotes without an Author
- You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. But you can choose the insane asylum where you have them put away in.
- Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there's footprints on the moon.
- They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
- Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- Eat right. Exercise hard. Die anyway.
- A good friend would come and bail you out of jail. A true friend would be sitting there beside you saying, "Man that was fun! Let's do it again!"
- He had a good idea once, but it died of loneliness.
- Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
- Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia,
but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?
- Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
- Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
- I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
- If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?
- We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.
- The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
- Silence is golden, duck-tape is silver.
- Question: if some one with multiple personalities threatens to commit to kill himself is it considered a hostage situation?
- Who ever said that anything was possible has obviously never tried to ski through a revolving door...
- If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
- Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried.
- I will temporarily rule the world, forever.
- Life is like robbing a bank; so worth the while!
- Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.
- Schizophrenia beats being alone.
- Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you
wouldn't have been notified.
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Part 2: Quotes with an Author
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, that loved for who I'm not." -Kurt Cobain
"Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?" -Kurt Cobain
"The duty of youth is to challenge corruption." -Kurt Cobain
"Thank you for the tragedy. I need it for my art." -Kurt Cobain
"There is no greater sorrow than to recall a happy time when miserable." -Dante Allighieri
"Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better." -Robert Redford
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch." -Jack Nicholson
"I have a love interest in every one of my films - a gun." -Arnold Schwarzenegger
"If you're going to kick authority in the teeth, you might as well use two feet." -Keith Richards
"If I were a girl, I'd despair. The supply of good women far exceeds that of men who deserve them." -Robert Graves
"What I say is, a town isn't a town without a bookstore. It may call itself a town, but unless it's got a bookstore it knows it's not fooling a soul." -Neil Gaiman
"Only the phoenix rises and does not descend. And everything changes. And nothing is truly lost." -Neil Gaiman
"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." -Orson Welles
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." -Albert Einstein
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." -Oscar Wilde
"The inventor of stairs probably lived on the first floor" -Philippe Geluck
"Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end" -Woody Allen
"If money does not buy happiness, the government does everything for us to be happy" -Daniel Lemire
"I would never want to be part of a club that would accept me as a member" -Groucho Marx
"For parents, it is easier to raise the voice than to raise children" -Marc Favreau
"I decided to face reality, so once it looks good, let me know." -Quino
"Internet. We do not know what we're looking for but we find everything that we are not." -Anne Roumanoff
"When you see the light at the end of the tunnel, pray that this is not the train" -Daniel Lemire
"It's not that I'm really afraid of dying, but I'd rather not be there when it happens." -Woody Allen
"I do not like the idea of having to choose between Heaven and Hell: I have friends in both." -Mark Twain
"If you need anything, call me. I will tell you how to do without it." -Coluche
"When the time comes to pay taxes, we realize that we cannot afford the money that we earn." -Frédéric Dard
"When someone tells you you're brilliant, he will always tell you he thinks exactly like you" -Pierre Légaré
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Part 3: The 7 ways to scarce your Roommate(s).
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.
2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."
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Writer:
Magico67
About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
