Esim - 天涯海角报:一个不是笑话的笑话
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一个不是笑话的笑话

一位中国导演想模仿《星球大战》拍一部科幻大片《地球保卫战》,于是他写好了剧本,也找好了投资,准备开拍。
当然,拍之前必须送交光淀肿菊审查。于是他把剧本大纲寄给了光淀肿菊。

大纲是这么写的:许多年以后,地球已经处于一片混乱和动荡之中。火星人趁乱进攻地球。在危难时刻,太空船长梭罗和最后的武士卢克一起组成了反抗联军,抗击火星人的进攻。
在丽亚公主、机器人R2、犹达师傅的帮助下,他们用“原力”打败了火星人的“黑暗力量”,一举攻破了火星人的飞船,挽救了地球。

这位导演很快收到了光淀肿菊的回复。
回复中写道:既然地球已经处于一片混乱和动荡之中,那么中国的情况怎样?
   导演马上回复:中国也是如此。
   光淀肿菊:不可能。在党的领导下,中国绝不会乱。
   导演哭笑不得,回复道:到了那时候政党都已经不存在了。
  光淀肿菊:你好大胆!竟敢诅咒XX?
   导演冷汗直冒,连忙回复:您误会了,这只是幻想出来的一个情况,不是真实的。
   光淀肿菊:即便不是真实的,也会使观众产生不必要的联想,影响社会稳定,这个罪名你担当得起吗?

   导演心里一阵发毛,只得修改剧本。过了几天,他提交了新修改好的剧本大纲。
   大纲是这么写的:许多年以后,地球已经处于一片混乱和动荡之中,但中国却是一片繁荣昌盛、欣欣向荣的景象,人民安居乐业、生活幸福。然而,火星人却突然进攻地球。在危难时刻,太空船长梭罗和最后的武士卢克一起组成了反抗联军,抗击火星人的进攻。在丽亚公主、机器人R2、犹达师傅的帮助下,他们用“原力”打败了火星人的“黑暗力量”,一举攻破了火星人的飞船,挽救了地球。

   很快,他又收到了光淀肿菊的回复。回复中写道:这个梭罗和卢克是什么身份?
   导演回复:他们是拯救地球的英雄。
   光淀肿菊:难道地球就被这几个人给挽救了?我们的中国军队、公安干警在哪里?我们的☆在哪里?
   导演:人类差不多已经被火星人打败了,最后是他们几个历经千难万险,终于打跑了火星人。
  光淀肿菊:你这是宣扬个人英雄主义!蔑视组织的存在!会造成严重的社会影响。打回重写!

   导演没办法,只能再改。冥思苦想了好几天,终于改好了。
   新的大纲是这么写的:许多年以后,地球已经处于一片混乱和动荡之中,但中国却是一片繁荣昌盛、欣欣向荣的景象,人民安居乐业、生活幸福。然而,火星人却突然进攻地球。在危难时刻,我☆派出了优秀★员梭罗和中国军人卢克一起组成了反抗联军,抗击火星人的进攻。在公安干警们的帮助下,他们用“原力”打败了火星人的“黑暗力量”,一举攻破了火星人的飞船,挽救了地球。

   很快,他收到了光淀肿菊的回复。光淀肿菊说:基本满意。不过,这“原力”和“黑暗力量”是什么东西?
   导演解释:它们是一种用意念控制的能量,这种力量非常强大,可以做到隔空打物,它有两个面,好的光明面和坏的黑暗面……
   光淀肿菊立即有了回复:这怎么行?这是封建迷信!歪门邪道!不符合科学发展观!会造成严重的社会影响,**的群众会信以为真,青少年会竞相模仿,会给未成年人带来严重的负面影响。打回重写!
   导演吐了三升血,好不容易缓过劲来。没办法,还得改。

   经过反反复复的修改,最终通过审查的剧本大纲是这样的:
   许多年以后,地球已经处于一片混乱和动荡之中,但中国却是一片繁荣昌盛、欣欣向荣的景象,人民安居乐业、生活幸福。然而,火星人却突然进攻地球。在危难时刻,中国挺身而出力挽狂澜,我党派出了优秀党员梭罗和中国军人卢克一起组成了反抗联军,抗击火星人的进攻。在公安干警们的帮助下,大家齐心协力,用菜刀、棍棒、镰刀、斧头与火星人展开了激烈的搏斗,一举打败了火星人,挽救了地球。最后卢克光荣入☆,梭罗也成为了人们竞相学习的英雄模范。从此地球恢复了平静,人们幸福的生活着……
   导演兴冲冲拿着剧本去找投资方。投资方看完,沉默良久,说你只有找周星驰来拍。

   导演很高兴。想,我这剧本都大牌到要请星爷来拍了。托了二爷的大妈的孙子的学校的保安的女朋友的工作单位的上级领导的老婆的关系找到了周星驰。
   周星驰看了剧本,拿起坐着的折凳猛k了导演2个小时。打完以后说,你这不是存心整我吗,你到底是不是要耍我啊。要是换了我2年前的脾气,我一脚就把你踹到下面的马路上去,再把你挂到皇后巷旗子上鞭尸啊你这个蠢货,你马上给我滚回火星去。废物,你真是废物,记住啊,你是个废物,不准你用走的,你跟我用滚的去

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In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.

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