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Pozdravljeni
Danes bo časopis namenjen predvsem šalam, vicom, reklamam in ugankam iz drugih igric.
Vici:
Pesmice
Gresta Mujo in Haso nabirat koruzo z avtom, Mujo ostane pri avtu, Haso pa gre nabirat koruzo.
Pride policaj, vidi avto in vprašaja Mujota: “Kaj pa ti delaš tukaj?”.
Mujo odgovori: “Pesmice si zmišljujem”.
Policaj pa reče “No povej mi eno pesmico”, Haso pa “Plavo nebo, zelena trava pazi mujo vidi se ti glava”.
Kdo s kom
Kdo je s kom
V gostilni teče pogovor o vseh mogočih stvareh.
Nenadoma se oglasi Mujo:
Z mojom ženom sam skupi že deset let.
Najbrž hočes reči ‘z mojo ženo’, ga nekdo popravi.
Ne ne, s tvojom ženom sam skupi šele tri tedna!
Povabilo
Haso povabi Mujota na večerjo. Mujo pride do Hasota in zagleda na vratih listek:
“Ha, ha, ha, Mujo, sploh me ni doma!”
Mujo se odloči, da mu bo to vrnil, zato pripiše na listek:
“Ha, ha, ha, Haso, sploh nisem bil tukaj!!”
Chuck Norris je enkrat pršu dvakrat.
Edino Chuck Norris bo preživel konec sveta
V šoli pri sovenščini učitelj vpraša: “Zakaj je narobe če rečem: Jest sem šu preč?”
Glas iz klopi: “Ker ste še tukaj!”
Kaj nastane če se združita žirafa in jež? Zobna ščetka!
Medvedek vpraša svojo mamico: “Mamica ali sem jaz res medvedek?”
“Ja seveda si!” mu odgovori mamica.
“Mamica ali sem res, res medvedek?”
“Ja, seveda !”
“Mamica ali sem jaz čisto zares medvedek?”
“Seveda! Zakaj pa ne bi bil?”
“Zato, ker me zebe kot psa.”
Kateri je najnevarnejši šport?
Šah.
Kakšna je najhujša poškodba pri njem?
Izpah čeljusti zaradi zehanja.
Bosanska družina (oče, mama, sin) na morju lovi ribe. Ujamejo zlato ribico, ki jim seveda v zameno za izpustitev obljubi tri želje.
Sinko (hitro blekne): “Tata ja hoću psa!”
Foter (besen, ker je mali zapravil eno željo): “Ma jebo ti pas mater!”
Mama (v paniki): “Skini to čudo s mene!!!”
Pa so šle tri želje…
Dve blondinki gledata TV pa pride rjavolaska in vklopi TV.
Zgradi Hitler stekleno hišo. Vanjo postavi kupico židov in pravi: “Kdor bo pri steklu, ga ustrelim!!!!”
Pride Benito k Hitlerju na obisk in reče:
-Mandona imaš hladno tukaj!
-Res je. Hans, daj dva Žida na ogenj!
“Kaj dobimo, če valjar povozi cigana?”
“CD-Rom.”
Kaj je 008? James Bond 007 z Upgrade.
Kaj ima programer, ki za sabo vleče balo slame ? Extended Memory.
Kako veste, da se pogovarjate z človekom ki dela na klicnem centru Siola za pomoč uporabnikom. Po odgovoru - odgovor je bil zelo hiter, 100% natančen in totalno neuporaben.
Blondinka in črnolaska sta se peljali z dvigalom, ko se je ta nenadoma zaustavil. Črnolaska je pričela vpiti: “Na pomoč! Na pomoč!”, toda nič ni pomagalo. Zato je črnolaska vprašala blondinko: “Ali ne bi vpili skupaj?” in blondinka se je pričela dreti na ves glas: “Skupaj, skupaj!”
Mladenič je vprašal svoje dekle, blondinko: “Ali se bo poročila z menoj?” “Pa… ne vem…” “Poslušaj, če ne boš pristala, se bom obesil na steber pred vašo hišo!” “Ne, to pa ne! Saj veš, da moj očka ne mara, da visiš pred našo hišo!”
Koliko blondink zmore pomolsti eno kravo? 10. kako? Tako da jo ena drži za vime devet pa kravo dviga in spušča.
Mami! je veselo pozdravil sin, ko je prišel iz šole. “Jaz znam pa hitreje računati od učiteljice matematike!” “Kaj res? koliko je 3 krat 3!”
“Šestinšestdeset!” je izsstrelil sin.
“To pa ni pravilno!”
“Saj nisem rekel, da znam točno računati!
Pelješ se v F1, za tabo je podmornca pred tabo pa vesoljska ladja. Kako se rešiš iz te situacije??
Rečeš šiptarju naj ustavi vrtiljak.
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Ali morda kdo ve kdo je to in iz kere igre je ta mož?
To je nagradno vprašanje… kdor ugotovi in pove pravo rešitev dobi nagrado…
Reklamacije:
Zaenkrat mi ni še noben poslal nobene reklamacije, saj je to v KILLER NEWS to prvič…Reklamiramo kar hočete. Za kakšno podjetje, newspaper, MU,…
Reklamacije sprejemam na zasebna sporočila… Oglaševanje pa stane minimalna cena…
Vendar če se dobro plača se to NE stori samo enkrat ampak zmeraj se reklamira Killer News reklamira, da te glava boli (v pozitivnem smislu.) ...
Za naslednje članke pa še velja:
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About the game:
USA as a world power? In E-Sim it is possible!
In E-Sim we have a huge, living world, which is a mirror copy of the Earth. Well, maybe not completely mirrored, because the balance of power in this virtual world looks a bit different than in real life. In E-Sim, USA does not have to be a world superpower, It can be efficiently managed as a much smaller country that has entrepreneurial citizens that support it's foundation. Everything depends on the players themselves and how they decide to shape the political map of the game.
Work for the good of your country and see it rise to an empire.
Activities in this game are divided into several modules. First is the economy as a citizen in a country of your choice you must work to earn money, which you will get to spend for example, on food or purchase of weapons which are critical for your progress as a fighter. You will work in either private companies which are owned by players or government companies which are owned by the state. After progressing in the game you will finally get the opportunity to set up your own business and hire other players. If it prospers, we can even change it into a joint-stock company and enter the stock market and get even more money in this way.
In E-Sim, international wars are nothing out of the ordinary.
Become an influential politician.
The second module is a politics. Just like in real life politics in E-Sim are an extremely powerful tool that can be used for your own purposes. From time to time there are elections in the game in which you will not only vote, but also have the ability to run for the head of the party you're in. You can also apply for congress, where once elected you will be given the right to vote on laws proposed by your fellow congress members or your president and propose laws yourself. Voting on laws is important for your country as it can shape the lives of those around you. You can also try to become the head of a given party, and even take part in presidential elections and decide on the shape of the foreign policy of a given state (for example, who to declare war on). Career in politics is obviously not easy and in order to succeed in it, you have to have a good plan and compete for the votes of voters.
You can go bankrupt or become a rich man while playing the stock market.
The international war.
The last and probably the most important module is military. In E-Sim, countries are constantly fighting each other for control over territories which in return grant them access to more valuable raw materials. For this purpose, they form alliances, they fight international wars, but they also have to deal with, for example, uprisings in conquered countries or civil wars, which may explode on their territory. You can also take part in these clashes, although you are also given the opportunity to lead a life as a pacifist who focuses on other activities in the game (for example, running a successful newspaper or selling products).
At the auction you can sell or buy your dream inventory.
E-Sim is a unique browser game. It's creators ensured realistic representation of the mechanisms present in the real world and gave all power to the players who shape the image of the virtual Earth according to their own. So come and join them and help your country achieve its full potential.
Invest, produce and sell - be an entrepreneur in E-Sim.
Take part in numerous events for the E-Sim community.
